ITZ MY LIFE

My Life....Our Group....Our Talks....My Memories...My Fucked Up Write ups...Screwed Poems

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Iqbal, Galib and Sahib

Whatsapp conversation in our Mumbai Friends Group-

Savio Mendoza -
Iqbal says. . .
Udne de in parindo ko azaad fiza me Ghalib...
Jo tere apne honge wo laut aaenge kisi roz...

Ghalibs reply to Iqbal~~
Na rakh Umeed-e-wafa kisi parinde se iqbal
Jab par nikal aate hai apne bhi aashiyana bhool jate hai...

Me -

Sahib's reply to Galib and Iqbal -

Per to penguin k bhi nikalte hai, kehne ko wo bhi parindey hote hai, waha ki ummede tum kyu parindo se lagate ho, koyal se mohabbat kar k kingfisher pe aa jaate ho

Friday, October 17, 2014

Rumi my Roomie

We friends were discussing life while imbibing assorted intoxicants. I was skeptic on post nuptial happiness.

Friend 1 - "life partner accha ho to life acchi hoti hai, dil laga rehta hai."

Me - "home is where heart is"

Friend 2 - "Rumi never said that."

Me - "my roomies were awesome"

Friend 1 - "awesome roomies se dekh kitta farq pada... Soch awesome wife ho to"

(After few mins)

Friend 2 - "dude i actually meant Rumi... Wo Persian philosopher"

Friday, September 19, 2014

Angry Boss Syndrome

Have you ever suffered from angry boss syndrome? Let me define it first and no the term is not yet defined in any act, papers... Shit, I didn't even Google it and assumed that, thank gosh that it was not officially work related.

Definition and Symptoms :
As defined in each section (beside the sections where directors sit) (there is always a bigger fish in the pond, but whales which are not in the pond but in the sea ofcourse) Corporate Working Culture Hazard Act (excluding Marxist society where every individual is allegedly treated as equal... No sarcasm intended) Angry Boss Syndrome(ABS) is a temporary/long term disposition where the frustration generated because of the behavior of the boss is directed towards inter alia surrounding employees/pen/keyboard/calculator/cellphone/copier machine/breakfast/lunch/promotional call center folks (the list isn't exhaustive.)

Diagnosis
You have a boss.

Origin and known Causes
The ABS originated with the inception of slavery aka institution of marriage. And at micro level its at peak while masters PMSes. There are usually no explainable reason/ rational/ modus operandi of boss getting angry. He might get angry on you because of:

External Factors, such as -
1. stock market crash,
2. slow Internet speed,
3. petrol price rise,
4. youporn.com being banned,
5. his neighbour bought a new car; and/or

Internal Factors -
1. printer not working,
2. MS Outlook not working,
3. you marked him on a email or you didn't mark him on a email(either way ur gone),
4. because you did something, because you didn't do something, because you asked should you do it, because you didn't ask before you did it (try everything.. Lol... Anyways Ur screwed). and/or

Inherent Factor such as:
1. he is the god damn boss,
2. You suck donkey balls, instead of licking boss's ass.

Epidemiology
ABS can happen to best and worst, and ya the average ones too. In short it can happen to anyone and everyone who has a job in corporate, or is married.

Prevention
There is no known cure... You are on your own if you work in corporate.

Prognosis
Most people who are recovering from ABS will irrationally shout on walls/trees/soft toys. They can cry at bars after few drinks. While resignations are generally good, certain factors can contribute to poorer results that have little to do with anything. One study showed that mental status parameters or alcohol use yields much poorer overall results of treatment.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

13/5/2009

Was going through old emails, and found a conversation Zubin has messaged me.

Zubin : "arre nvidia college gaya tha kya. "

᠌нιмαηѕнυ ᠌: "nvidia se pooch muje kya pata. "

Friday, August 8, 2014

Indifference and The Murphy's Law

When your jokes are morbid,
smiles are wry,
you're affected by none,
and your tears go dry,
feelin so worthless,
But still can't cry,
take a deep breath,
that shall pacify.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Accent is a car by Hyundai

South Indian uncle :"ye car waste k liye kaha se raasta aayega"

Me(almost expression less) : ........

Some other guy : "yaha se right le k khar subway aayega , waha se"

(he was asking about 'Khar West')

Monday, July 14, 2014

Bed Bugs

You have not paid your dues,
You are surely not a Lannister,
You are customer of some use,
Pay your debts u sinister,

This is our thousandth call,
Hope you are doing not so well,
Keep dodging us, increase the interest,
Then surely you can goto hell,

You are wise, pay minimum,
Then goto sleep, we wont come,
Pile ur debt month by month,
And then pay double of the sum,

You've shopped, take some rest,
While we screw your CIBIL,
Next time when you are out of cash, who will pay your bill?

We lend you when you are down,
So we can do doggy style,
Dont write cheque you cant cash,
If you want to keep your smile.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Oxy moron of Safe Risk

While I was working as Sr. auditor at a audit firm in Dubai, I was also assigned to clients for miscellaneous works and advices -

Boss - "explain these investment policies to  our client and help him in selecting a plan, will you"

Me(ye karne aaya hu kya re) - "sure"

(went to the client)

Me - "what kind of investment plan do you wish sir"

Client - "I want high return, and no risk, means it should be safe risk"

Me -" sir safe risk to oxymoron hota hai"

Client - "so you suggest that I should put my money into oxymoron, which according to you is the safest risk"

Life, Excuses, Thoughts, Conversations, Poems, Diary, Note to self

Active since April 26th, 2009.....ive put sum old memories too and now i don't use names where i feel the person can get offended, as i've not made this blog to defame someone, its about the best n the worst i have experienced, and best place for my doodling and stupid write ups, poems bla bla.