Its My Life

This is what that is going on my life...or may be what my mind muses when its not thinking anything what it is forced to think.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The Weeping, The Sleeping & The Peeping


We 3 guyz went to watch 'Bajrangi Bhaijaan', for a night show. It was a long day for me and I needed to unwind, so we went up from the fire exit, which proved to be a loop hole in the security of the Satyam Cinema Hall. We entered without any ticket check.

Shishir - "Security wale ko ye counter foil k saath ticket dikha k aata hu...rukk"

Anang - "Seat Number Bol?? mai audi me jaata hu.."

Shishir - "F15, 16, 17"


---------------------------------------------------
Shishir - "Bhaiya jadoo dekho... 2 parchi...fir bhi mai ander hu."

Watchman(Surprised) - "Aap aaye kaha se yaar"

Shishir - "Wahi jaha koi aata jaata nahi."

Watchman - "kaha se batao yaar...aap marwaoge"

Shishir - "jo aage se nahi aata wo kaha se aata hai...batao?"

Watchman - "Peeche se?"

Shishir - "Waah bhaiya...waah...aap hoshiyaar ho."

Watchman - "Baki k 2 kaha hai???"

Shishir - "Wo ander galat seat pe hai...(fake laugh) ha ha ha ha ha. Seat number 9,10,11 hai...smart bwoy"

That guy went away quickly.


---------------------------------------------------

While a very intense scene in the movie, everyone was watching the movie very seriously... Anang was about to cry, judging by the sounds he was making.

Anang(suddenly turns to me) - "Tu kitta kamina hai na...wo earphone bekar hai..bata deta to nahi mangata paytm se."

Shishir - "Aur us ka is scene se kya lena dena... aaise time tujhe earphone kyu yaar aa rahe hai.??"


-INTERVAL- 

------------------------------------------------------

The movie progressed... At the climax...


I looked at my right, towards Sr. Site Engineer Anang, whom the labors tremble. I saw river Ganga from his left eye, Jamuna from his right eye, and the stream got dirtier as they passed though his cheeks (thats the ultimate fate of all Indian rivers). He was crying like a amputated widow who's husband left loans, no insurance and lot of kids to feed.

I looked at my left to 'I don't need general anesthesia, start the surgery after 11 p.m.' guy, Mr. Zubin Mehta Ji; I swear to god... amidst the claps and roaring 7.1 Dolby effects he was asleep on his chair like a Sarkari Babu. 

Shishir - "Ek ro raha hai...ek so raha hai...mai to c****** hu na jo movie dekh raha hu."


------------------------------------------------

Sunday, July 12, 2015

How Do You Do?

They were confused with what I do... Coz they took copyright - trademarks - patent - GI etc to be 4 different type od work... Thn there was incorporation and photography and exports as well..
Not their fault... But it was funny...

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Meditate... Meditate


A buyer of handicraft furniture was introduced to me by a friend. He bought some stuff from me, I took him to a friend's factory where he purchased stuff from him too. We were happy, I was buying gifts for the buyer -

Buyer (text) - "I am sorry Caesar, I have to cancel the order. Its not in my budget."

Me (to self) - fuck man... I am screwed... Things are manufactured. I can do nothing.

Me (to Hiten) - "bhai... Dimag ka *beep* ho gaya hai... Kya batau tujhe..."

Hiten - "to yoga karo.... Meditate... Tension lene se kuch nahi hota... Mast raho yaar."

Me - "aab mai bolu? Mera order cancel ho gaya... Jisme tere se liya hua samaan bhi tha... Usne cancel kar diya."

Hiten - "hain..... Shit man... Abbe..."

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Well Suited Jobs For Famous People


Rahul Gandhi - Modeling. We all have a prejudge that models are
brainless and they are good at looking. Well we should not divert to
the notion here, judging by looks, rahul has perfect killer looks for
what it takes to be a face model.

Narendra modi - Chief of planning commition. As opposition calls him
feku, and good at planning only, we should make him head of planning
commission. Plans will be layed by him, and if the ruling party is
developmental the risult would be what India needs badly.

Digvijay Singh - defence minister, he is best at one thing, defending
assholes, the country which votes on basis of religion/caste/coz a
celeb said so is a country of assholes. Imagine Pakistan accusing
India of something and Digvijay replying with "you are an USS Agent",
imagine USA saying anything to India and diggi asking about the number
of muslims killed in war against terrorism.

Baba Ramdev - Yoga instructor, babaji is the person who brought back
the yoga culture to Indians, before that yoga was either for rich
people who followed the american love for yoga or to people who were
arya samaji. Baba should leave all political ambitions aside and focus
on what he is good at.

Ashok Gehlot - Tomato Marketing Agent, current CM of Rajasthan, only
good at giving free stuff in lieu of votes, but thts a job we have too
many candidates lining. Let me tell you a story about Gehlot, when
people came to him asking for money, he said "Tamater Khao(eat
tomatoes)" (must b non election season), villagers were perplexed, but
he meant - "kama kar khao(earn your living)" although its a joke, but
he can be used a marketing guy selling tomatoes.

Salman Khursheed - Tourism minister, The way he said ""ek baar aa k to
batao meri constituency me" although it was a comment which only a low
brained gunda can give, but that had and effect, people gathered on
mass scale.

Kejrival - usko logo ko follow karna chahiye.... I mean he should follow his logo properly.
The best job for Kejru will be complaint department. He is good at whining only.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Think Logical...


This happened when I was giving C.S. Inter exams, this one is a real incident, like really real. The words may be bit different(they are, I make many spelling mistakes usually), all thanks to my awesome(meh) memory sills, if they were really great, this incident would have never happened:

C.S. Intermediate paper of Tax Laws


QuestionRajeev works in an MNC, he has 2 options - take a RFA (Rent Free Accommodation) provided by company, or take HRA (House Rent Allowance) of Rs. 5000 per month. Evaluate.


Answer : Rajeev seems to be a middle class man, who must have worked hard all his childhood. Now he should not get into nitty gitty of tax, specially when he will save 500-600 if he takes the better option. Its utter nonsense to save 500-600 of tax, and choose an option that will make him pay more mentally/physically/financially eventually. We must look into this matter with pure logical ground which is -


If he takes 5000 rs as HRA, 

1. He can live where ever he wants.
2. He will have to pay high rent, as RFA are always cheaper, if they weren't, nobody would opt and the system will fail.

About the scenario when he takes the RFA, he can - 

1. Share his car with fellow employees to office, and save on petrol. 
2. Be happy as all his company people will live together like family. With his kids having company of like minded friends. 
3. Get a healthy working environment, as people who live and work together share a special bond. 
4. Save the time spent on needless tax calculation of RFA and HRA.

I say, take the RFA.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Khamosh and Lost Parindey

My elder brother Manish and me share an especial bond, which inter alia comprehend interest in poetic replies to poems/kafiya etc. Here is an excerpt from a recent gab -

Manish Bhaiya : "Wo Jo bolte the bahut,  unper bhi khaamosh ka saya hai...
Arsh ke parindo ko bhi humne zameen talaashte paya hai."

Me : "Battry khatam ho gayi mobile ki, sorry aapki zarurat k waqt call nahi lag paya hai.... Zameen pe talaash rahe the aapko, kambakht Google Map ne direction bhi galat bataya hai."

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Desi Guide To Drinking

सिमरन औफ - Smirnoff

लेज़र - Lager

ड्राट - Draught

छोटी वाली बियर - Pint

कोरी बरफ - On the rocks

पैक - Peg

पटियाला पैक - 90 ML

चखना - Munching

पव्वा  - Quarter

अध्धा - Half

खम्बा -  A full bottle, usually.

अंग्रेजी - Imported & IMFL are addressed as अंग्रेजी, even Tequila, Bourbon and Scotch.

जमाजम - An Indian mocktail made from masala, lemon and thumps up.

गंगा जमना - A mix of two juices.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Tethered and Tangled

We were all travelling to Mumbai from Jaipur, brother who wanted to check that his GF has whatsapped him or not, asked me -

Sagar - "is ur tethering on? Bhai whats the password?"

Me - "its -  eff you see key oooo eff eff"

Life, Excuses, Thoughts, Conversations, Poems, Diary, Note to self

Active since April 26th, 2009.....ive put sum old memories too and now i don't use names where i feel the person can get offended, as i've not made this blog to defame someone, its about the best n the worst i have experienced, and best place for my doodling and stupid write ups, poems bla bla.