Hi Jack... Hi... Hands Up

This one dates long back, some 8-9 years ago I guess. My friend Money use to live in Jaipur.

Me - "bro... Whats up."

Money - "hey man...had a blast."

Me - "Awesome bhai... lage raho bhai.... Kaha kiya fun... Mujhe bhi bula lete."

Money - "am serious man... Hanuman mandir k pass blast hue hai... News dekhna abhi... I was there... It was crazy... TTYL."

Come On Sense...

My friend Anang started playing badminton month back, he got addicted and got tennis elbow; this word reminded me of a friend(wont take his name). When I use to play tennis(8 years back), I usually played for hours. And suffered from tennis elbow after 3 month due to over training, this is what my friend's reaction was -

Me - "yaar haath dard ho raha hai, pareshan ho gaya hu."

Him - "kya hua."

Me - "tennis elbow hai... Rest karne bola hai."

Him(almost sarcastically smiling) - "wo to sachin ko hua tha na.... Tujhe kaise ho gaya... Wo to bade players ko hota hai."

Me - " bhai mai 3-4 hrs khelta hu roz. "

Him - "kuch bhi... Tujhe kaha se ho jayega... Faltu me."

Me - "bhai Zahir ki hamstring muscle bhi khich gayi thi..tu fast bowler hai gali mohalle ka... To kya tujhe nahi ho sakta."

Him - "sahi hai... Tennis elbow hua hai... Ha ha ha ha.... Ha ha ha ha..."

--------his insights on other things--------

Him - "Parle G ka farji ad dekha... Dunia ka sabse jyada sell hone wala biscuit... Ye USA me thori sale hota hai.... Aab tu he bata shishir, America benchmark hai... Waha nahi bik raha matlab aapki company international thore he hui.. "

Me -" India world ki 2nd most populated hai... And haan kaafi log USA rehte hai... Sahi baat hui. tabhii.. Now I understand.... USA me rehte hai isliye he ye world ki sabse populated country hui. "

He has put similar arguments for other things like hero honda doesn't sale in USA so its not world's largest bike selling company, Harley Davidson's revenue is more so it sales more bikes, told me that Jack Daniels is an American scotch...

Ghante Wala Bell

My friend Nishkarsh who came back to Jodhpur recently to start a startup builder company www.slashash.co he was explaining me something, usually he is too technical and always technically correct (may be we feel coz we don't listen properly).

Nishkarsh - "aage wala suffix jo hai na..."

Me - "aage wala prefix hota hai."

Nishkarsh - "Matlab suffix k aage jo lagta hai."

Me - "wo to normal word hota hai."

Nishkarsh - "Arre yaar...mai kya bol raha hu..ruko"

(This post sucks)

Air Filled Vaccume

My last vaccume cleaner was broken by a stupid mechanic, actually it was my stupidity that I gave it to the person who serviced my AC. I called the eureka forbes, only company I know, also I trust Tata as a brand. The guy came -

Guy - "hello sasir sir, we have the best vaccume cleaner, I will soe you."

Me - "I know, just tell me the attachment and price."

Guy - "sir tenology badal chuka hai poori tarah."

Me - "kya badla hai yaar pehle bhi vaccume cleaner tha, aaj bhi wali hai yaar.... Chai loge?"

Guy - "sir vaccume... Jaisa ki aap jante hai hawa ko kehte hai.... Kaam ye usi ko leta hai... Safai hawa se he karta hai... Per iski nayi motor........haan chai chalegi... Iski nayi motor aab pehle se bhi jyada dumdaar aur power saver hai."

Me(almost mumbling) - "nahi lena...."

Guy - "kya hua sir... Aaisa bhi nahi badla... Pehle se badhiya hai."

Me - "mujhe LG ka lena hai.... Ye accha nahi hai. Sorry.. "

Guy - "sir ye wahi pehle wala he hai... Motor ka naam he badla hai... Hota to wahi hai... Mai demo deta hu."

Me - "bhai baad me kabhi."    (I blocked his number.)

The Weeping, The Sleeping & The Peeping

We 3 guyz went to watch 'Bajrangi Bhaijaan', for a night show. It was a long day for me and I needed to unwind, so we went up from the fire exit, which proved to be a loop hole in the security of the Satyam Cinema Hall. We entered without any ticket check.

Shishir - "Security wale ko ye counter foil k saath ticket dikha k aata hu...rukk"

Anang - "Seat Number Bol?? mai audi me jaata hu.."

Shishir - "F15, 16, 17"

Shishir - "Bhaiya jadoo dekho... 2 parchi...fir bhi mai ander hu."

Watchman(Surprised) - "Aap aaye kaha se yaar"

Shishir - "Wahi jaha koi aata jaata nahi."

Watchman - "kaha se batao yaar...aap marwaoge"

Shishir - "jo aage se nahi aata wo kaha se aata hai...batao?"

Watchman - "Peeche se?"

Shishir - "Waah bhaiya...waah...aap hoshiyaar ho."

Watchman - "Baki k 2 kaha hai???"

Shishir - "Wo ander galat seat pe hai...(fake laugh) ha ha ha ha ha. Seat number 9,10,11 hai...smart bwoy"

That guy went away quickly.


While a very intense scene in the movie, everyone was watching the movie very seriously... Anang was about to cry, judging by the sounds he was making.

Anang(suddenly turns to me) - "Tu kitta kamina hai na...wo earphone bekar hai..bata deta to nahi mangata paytm se."

Shishir - "Aur us ka is scene se kya lena dena... aaise time tujhe earphone kyu yaar aa rahe hai.??"



The movie progressed... At the climax...

I looked at my right, towards Sr. Site Engineer Anang, whom the labors tremble. I saw river Ganga from his left eye, Jamuna from his right eye, and the stream got dirtier as they passed though his cheeks (thats the ultimate fate of all Indian rivers). He was crying like a amputated widow who's husband left loans, no insurance and lot of kids to feed.

I looked at my left to 'I don't need general anesthesia, start the surgery after 11 p.m.' guy, Mr. Zubin Mehta Ji; I swear to god... amidst the claps and roaring 7.1 Dolby effects he was asleep on his chair like a Sarkari Babu. 

Shishir - "Ek ro raha hai...ek so raha hai...mai to c****** hu na jo movie dekh raha hu."


Its My Life

This is what that is going on my life...or may be what my mind muses when its not thinking anything what it is forced to think.


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