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Wednesday, January 7, 2015

MTS Sucks

This is a real conversation between me and MTS Customer Care.

MTS(nearly rude tone) - "MTS se bol raha hu, complain thi aapki"

Me - "speed nahi aa ri, disconnect ho jata hai, and high speed data khatam nahi hua"

MTS - "haan problem to rahegi... Jis area me use kar re ho waha nahi chalega dhang se"

Me - "torrents bhi nahi chalta kabhi"

MTS - "Nahi chalega wo to... Aur bolo"

Me - "mere plan 550 ka hai bill 1200 ka aaya hai"

MTS - "uska to kuch nahi kar sakte aab... Pay kar do"

Me - "mujhe call karne k liye dhanyawaad aapka din mangalmay ho"

Thursday, November 20, 2014

I don't choose the book, book chooses me

I was traveling to Jodhpur from Ahmedabad, I forgot to carry a book. Saw a book store at station and went inside.
After standing there fir like 10mins,the shopkeeper started giving me looks.

Shopkeeper - "chahiye kya hai tum ko"

Me - "book"

Shopkeeper - "han to lo na"

Me - "I dont choose the book, the book chooses me"

Shopkeeper - "nahi hai ye book nahi hai... Koi aur le lo... Ye half girlfriend le lo..."

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Le Le... Mera... Ok...Goto Hell

This is like everytime we walk into a restaurant or cafe. This one pertains to CCD.

Me : "kya lega."

Friend : "Kuch bhi."

Me : "fir bhi."

Friend : "jo tu lega 2 manga le."

Me : " two tropical ice bergs"

Friend : "na na na.... Ice ice hoti hai usme... No no no"

Me : "nirvana?"

Friend : "har baar kya nirvana yaar"

Me : "mere liye tropical ice berg, is k liye jo ye bole... Kuch nahi bole to pani le aana"

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Iqbal, Galib and Sahib

Whatsapp conversation in our Mumbai Friends Group-

Savio Mendoza

Iqbal says. . .
Udne de in parindo ko azaad fiza me Ghalib...
Jo tere apne honge wo laut aaenge kisi roz...

Ghalibs reply to Iqbal. . .
Na rakh Umeed-e-wafa kisi parinde se iqbal
Jab par nikal aate hai apne bhi aashiyana bhool jate hai...

Me -
Sahib's reply to Galib and Iqbal. . .
Per to penguin k bhi nikalte hai, 
kehne ko wo bhi parindey hote hai, 
wafa ki ummede tum kyu parindo se lagate ho, 
koyal se mohabbat kar k kingfisher pe aa jaate ho

Friday, October 17, 2014

Rumi my Roomie onthe Roofie

We friends were discussing life while imbibing assorted intoxicants at our favorite roof top. I was skeptic on post nuptial happiness in general.

Friend 1 - "life partner accha ho to life acchi hoti hai, dil laga rehta hai."

Me - "home is where heart is"

Friend 2 - "Rumi never said that."

Me - "my roomies were awesome"

Friend 1 - "awesome roomies se dekh kitta farq pada... Soch awesome wife ho to"
(After few mins)

Friend 2 - "dude i actually meant Rumi... Wo Persian philosopher"

Friday, September 19, 2014

Angry Boss Syndrome

Have you ever suffered from Angry Boss Syndrome? Let me define it first, and NO the term is not yet defined in any act, papers... Shit, I didn't even Google it and assumed that, thank gosh that it was not officially work related (My boss will be so  angry on my research related skills).

Definition and Symptoms :
As defined in each section (beside the sections, where directors sit) {there is always a bigger fish in the pond (but whales which are not in the pond but in the sea of-course)} Corporate Working Culture Hazard Act (excluding Marxist society where every individual is allegedly treated as equal... No sarcasm intended) Angry Boss Syndrome(ABS) is a temporary/long term disposition where the frustration generated because of the behavior of the boss is directed towards inter alia surrounding employees/pen/keyboard/calculator/cellphone/copier machine/breakfast/lunch/promotional call center folks (the list isn't exhaustive.)

You have a boss.

Origin and known Causes
The ABS originated with the inception of slavery aka institution of marriage. And at micro level its at peak while masters PMSes. There are usually no explainable reason/ rational/ modus operandi of boss getting angry. He might get angry on you because of:

External Factors, such as -
1. stock market crash,
2. slow Internet speed,
3. petrol price rise,
4. being banned,
5. his neighbour bought a new car; and/or

Internal Factors -
1. printer not working,
2. MS Outlook not working,
3. you marked him on a email or you didn't mark him on a email(either way ur gone),
4. because you did something, because you didn't do something, because you asked should you do it, because you didn't ask before you did it (try everything.. Lol... Anyways Ur screwed). and/or

Inherent Factor such as:
1. he is the god damn boss,
2. You suck donkey balls, instead of licking boss's ass.

ABS can happen to best and worst, and ya the average ones too. In short it can happen to anyone and everyone who has a job in corporate, or is married.

There is no known cure... You are on your own if you work in corporate.

Most people who are recovering from ABS will irrationally shout on walls/trees/soft toys. They can cry at bars after few drinks. While resignations are generally good, certain factors can contribute to poorer results that have little to do with anything. One study showed that mental status parameters or alcohol use yields much poorer overall results of treatment.

Thursday, August 28, 2014


Was going through old emails, and found a conversation Zubin has messaged me.

Zubin : "arre nvidia college gaya tha kya. "

᠌нιмαηѕнυ ᠌: "nvidia se pooch muje kya pata. "

Friday, August 8, 2014

Indifference and The Murphy's Law

When your jokes are morbid,
smiles are wry,
you're affected by none,
and your tears go dry,
feelin so worthless,
But still can't cry,
take a deep breath,
that shall pacify.

Life, Excuses, Thoughts, Conversations, Poems, Diary, Note to self

Active since April 26th, 2009.....ive put sum old memories too and now i don't use names where i feel the person can get offended, as i've not made this blog to defame someone, its about the best n the worst i have experienced, and best place for my doodling and stupid write ups, poems bla bla.