ITZ MY LIFE

My Life....Our Group....Our Talks....My Memories...My Fucked Up Write ups...Screwed Poems

Monday, July 14, 2014

Bed Bugs

You have not paid your dues,
You are surely not a Lannister,
You are customer of some use,
Pay your debts u sinister,

This is our thousandth call,
Hope you are doing not so well,
Keep dodging us, increase the interest,
Then surely you can goto hell,

You are wise, pay minimum,
Then goto sleep, we wont come,
Pile ur debt month by month,
And then pay double of the sum,

You've shopped, take some rest,
While we screw your CIBIL,
Next time when you are out of cash, who will pay your bill?

We lend you when you are down,
So we can do doggy style,
Dont write cheque you cant cash,
If you want to keep your smile.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Oxy moron of Safe Risk

While I was working as Sr. auditor at a audit firm in Dubai, I was also assigned to clients for miscellaneous works and advices -

Boss - "explain these investment policies to  our client and help him in selecting a plan, will you"

Me(ye karne aaya hu kya re) - "sure"

(went to the client)

Me - "what kind of investment plan do you wish sir"

Client - "I want high return, and no risk, means it should be safe risk"

Me -" sir safe risk to oxymoron hota hai"

Client - "so you suggest that I should put my money into oxymoron, which according to you is the safest risk"

Thursday, June 12, 2014

That Ship Sailed

AJ - "kal hum Aldo pe sale pe jayenge"

Biji - "yayy apan jayenge... Accha beach hai kya? "

Eric - "hain? “

Biji - "kya... Apan Aldo beach pe sail pe ja rahe hai na"

(We all laughed)

Biji - "kya? “

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Shoot Me He Said, I Had A Camera, But He Wanted To Die

Me(at a photography workshop) -  "Good morning sir."

Neville - "Call me Neville, coz U knw I am not knighted.. As of now."

Me - "Ok sir"

Neville - "arre baba... No sir"

Me - "Sorry sir"

Neville - "Shoot me, will you?"

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

We Cannot Eat The Cake and Have It Too

Anang - "paise kyu udata hai"

Shishir - "to kya karu "

Anang - " save"

Shishir - "fir"

Anang - "fir kya, jo chahe le sakta hai maze se"

Shishir "to abhi kya kar raha hu"

Friday, April 18, 2014

Ashwin Potter and the Chambers of Secret

Ashwan - "aaj kal MHADA bhi same aaise flat deta hai, 1BHK,11k rent, malad me... Pehle wo lene wale the"

Shishir - "wo le lete hai, saving bhi hogi"

Ashwin - "matlab dekh... Washroom.... Bathroom and bahar WC bhi laga hua alag se"

Shishir - "Bahar??? Kis k bahar"

Ashwin - "washroom k bahar"

(i gave a weird look.... Realized and started laughing)

Ashwin - "kyaaaaa.. sacchi me 11k rent"

Shishir - "what is WC"

Ashwin - "washing chamber"

Shishir - "western commode"

Ashwin - "kab se use kar raha hu... Kisi ne nahi toka"

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Indian Made Scottish Liquor

Drunk friend : "यार अपन इंडिया में scotch की factory लगाते है"

Me : "Scotch is made in Scotland, every drop"

Him :" तभी तो awesum Idea है, indian scotch"

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Bloddy Cocktail of Andheri nagari

Went to a pub called Alfredo's in Andheri with friends.

Me (thinking) - I shall order Bloddy Marry, my fav, and there can be nothing wrong with it, last experiences with long Island tea were horrible.

Me - "boss get me a bloddy marry"

(waiter went and came back with a question mark)

Waiter - "sir wo bloody marry mocktail laau k cocktail"

Me - "nevermind"

Life, Excuses, Thoughts, Conversations, Poems, Diary, Note to self

Active since April 26th, 2009.....ive put sum old memories too and now i don't use names where i feel the person can get offended, as i've not made this blog to defame someone, its about the best n the worst i have experienced, and best place for my doodling and stupid write ups, poems bla bla.